


So It Goes

by liv_andlet_die



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Babs knows, Birdflash - Freeform, Canonical Character Death, Dick loved Wally, Emotional, Everything Hurts, Hurt/Comfort, dickwally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 08:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14996636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liv_andlet_die/pseuds/liv_andlet_die
Summary: Dick lost his best friend. Good thing he has another ginger bestie to help pick up the pieces.





	So It Goes

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of our loved and lost Wally West, on June 20th. I wrote this in a mad dash to get it finished in time, but just about missed the date. Still, it's here, it's queer, and it hurts like a motherfucker. Enjoy.
> 
> Title inspired by Bill Joel's 'And So It Goes':
> 
> "But if my silence made you leave  
> Then that would be my worst mistake  
> So I will share this room with you  
> And you can have this heart to break"

“Come on, Dick. I know you’re in there.”

He doesn’t bother responding.

“Richard Grayson.”

“I’m busy, Babs.”

“Bullshit. Let me in.”

Dick sighs, rolling over on the couch to lay on his back. He rubs at his eyes, staring up the ceiling through the darkness. He hadn’t bothered turning on a light since coming in here.

“You have five seconds.”

He huffs, swinging his legs over the side of the couch and getting to his feet. He takes his time walking to the front door, taking a deep breath before swinging it open.

Barbara stands in front of him, arms crossed and clearly pissed off. But he doesn’t fail to notice to flash of worry in her eyes the second she takes in his appearance.

He knows he looks like shit. He feels like shit. He’s been wearing the suit for days now, not bothering to take it off. The mask had come off, though, and he figures the bags under his eyes look as bad as they make him feel.

“Hey…” Babs shifts her weight to one leg, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Hi.” He mutters, leaning against the door frame.

“How you doing?”

“Fine.”

“Wrong answer.”

He rolls his eyes. “Why bother asking if you had the answer?”

She purses her lips in distaste. “To see if you’d lie to me.”

Dick doesn’t respond, just drops his gaze to the floor.

“It’s been a week.”

“Yeah.”

“I figured you were just taking a few days, until I asked Kaldur.” Babs crosses her arms again, raising an eyebrow. “What’s this about you taking a ‘break’?”

“It’s a pretty straightforward concept.”

“Dick.”

“What?”

Her gaze hardens, and suddenly she’s shoving him, hard. He stumbles backwards into his apartment, and Babs follows him inside, slamming the door behind her.

“Would you stop being an asshole for five seconds and actually talk to me.”

Dick glares at her, which he doesn’t think he’s ever done before. But that doesn’t stop him now.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, anything that’s not a deflection?” She steps closer, glaring right back up at him and prodding a finger against his chest. “Stop acting like Bruce, it doesn’t work for you.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You’re pulling away. Hiding. Not letting anybody in.”

“I’m not hidi-”

“Then what do you call this?”

“I’m just-”

“Pulling a Batman?”

Dick clamps his lips together, dropping his gaze again to glare at the floor instead of his friend.

“Nice. You want some pointy ears to go with that scowl?”

“Barbara.”

“Richard.”

“Stop.”

“No, you stop.” She tucks a finger under his chin, lifting his head until he’s looking her in the eyes again. Her expression softens, and she’s quieter now when she speaks. “I’m here to help. Let me.”

Dick stares at his best friend – his _other_ best friend – for a moment, biting hard on his tongue to keep from unleashing another sharp remark. She just watches him too, waiting for… something. He’s not sure what, but the patience in her eyes is wearing on his resolve.

He’s sighing. Then his shoulders are slumping. Then he’s tipping forward towards her and she’s catching him in a hug that he didn’t know he needed until now.

Babs just holds him, her arms tight around his midsection. His head droops, his chin resting on the back of her shoulder as his own arms wrap around her waist in return. Dick hadn’t had any real human contact in days, and only now is he feeling how much he’d needed it.

His eyes are closed, and his chest hurts because he knows if he opens them, he’ll see ginger hair that’s far too long and not right at all and it’ll make everything so much worse. So he keeps them closed, focusing on the very feminine body holding his and reminding himself that this is not who he wants it to be.

“You wanna sit down?”

Babs is murmuring softly into his hair, and he nods against her shoulder. She pulls back a little to guide him to the couch, sitting down next to him and just stroking slender fingers through his hair. He’s still leaning into her, slumped over against her side as they lean back into the cushions.

It’s some relief, having Babs here. But it’s still not enough.

Eventually Dick lets out another sigh, disengaging from her grasp to sit up straight, rubbing at his tired eyes again. They’re sore from lack of sleep, and he just know how bloodshot they must be. It doesn’t bother him much though. It’s nothing compared to the ache in his chest.

“So. Are we going to talk about this?”

Dick drags his hands down his face before letting them fall into his lap. He stares ahead at the blank wall in front of him, swallowing the lump in his throat. “What do you want me to say, Barbara?”

“Why don’t we start with how you’re feeling right now?”

Dick shakes his head.

“How are you holding up?”

“How do you think?”

“Dick.”

“Sorry…” He groans, his hands slipping into his hair and pulling harshly at the strands. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to… I’m alright, I guess. I’m just… dealing with it.”

“Dick…”

“Yeah?”

Barbara’s hand is coming up to rest on his shoulder. “You… you know that… I know…”

Dick’s tensing up, his throat tightening up in a very familiar feeling that usually has him running for the bathroom. He swallows hard, pushing down the agony in his chest. “Yeah…”

“So, you can talk about it.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t? Or wo-”

“Babs.” He lets out a choked breath. “Please…”

She sighs, her hand sliding across his back as she curls her arm around his shoulders. They just sit like that for a while, Dick leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, Barbara’s cheek resting on his shoulder.

“It… hurts.”

She lifts her head to look at him, her eyes soft and pitying in a way that makes him feel sick. He hates how weak he sounds. How broken.

“Yeah...”

“He’s… he’s gone, Babs.”

“I know…”

“I can’t… it’s not… real.” He coughs, his throat still tight. It’s hard to breath. “It doesn’t feel real. I keep… waiting for him to… show up. To run through my door and start t-talking a mile a minute about the n-next stupid thing on his mind…”

“Take your time…”

He’s starting to stutter now, and he hates it. He bites down on his lip, trying to calm himself, but his hands are shaking and his breath is short and the pain in his chest is overwhelming.

“I n-never got to tell him…” He huffs out another sigh, shaking his head to try and clear it.

“He knew you loved him, Dick…”

“No… not… not like that.”

Barbara rubs his back gently. “It doesn’t-”

“I never... By the time I r-realized, it was too late. He was… happy. And I never wanted anything more than that for him, so I left it.”

Suddenly it’s almost impossible to stop talking. He’s rambling, and he doesn’t know how to stop. It’s like all of this has been bubbling inside of him for ages and it’s finally spilling over.

“But it hurt. It never stopped fucking hurting.” Dick rubs at his red-rimmed eyes again. The stinging helps. “When they left the team… it was better. Because I didn’t have to see them… every day… How fucking pathetic is that? My b-best friend, h-happy and in love, and I wanted to fucking _throw up_ every time I saw them together.”

Barbara is sitting very still next to him now. He can feel it. The tension. She probably wasn’t expecting him to just explode like this. She must have been prepared to pull tooth and nail to get this out of him, but he’s just so tired of keeping it all in.

“And I’m a shitty friend too, because I love Artemis. I do. She’s one of my favourite people in the _world_ , and I’m an awful, _awful_ friend because they were happy together and I c-couldn’t just be _happy_ for them.”

“Dick…”

His eyes are starting to sting more now, and he can feel the moisture welling behind them.

“And now I’m a t-terrible p-person all together because… he’s…” Dick chokes, tears starting to stream down his face. “He’s _g-gone_ … and it’s… it’s almost a _r-relief_ …”

Her lips part in shock, letting out the smallest gasp. It’s like a punch to the stomach.

“And I _fucking hate myself_ _for it_ … God, Babs, I c- _can’t_ …”

Barbara pulls him into her arms the moment he starts sobbing. She tucks his head under her chin and hushes him softly as he gasps for breath, his chest heaving with the agony of it all. He’s a shaking, blubbering mess, his throat catching and aching with every wracking sob that takes over his body.

“I c-can’t d-do it anymore…”

“Shhh...” She’s rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“There’s n-nothing to b-bury…” He’s hiccupping through his words, practically hyperventilating at this point. “N-no gravestone to visit, j-just that fucking hologram that I can’t even _l-look at_ … Why did they do that, I hate that fucking thing, it’s n _-nothing like him_ …”

“It’s a memorial.”

“The fucking _planet_ is his memorial… He’s the reason this _stupid fucking thing_ is still here...” His hands ball into fists, pressing into the couch cushions.

If they wanted to memorize him, they should’ve caged the sun and put it on display, because there’s nothing except that warmth that could ever compare to being around Wally West. His smile was radiant, his laughter infectious. No one made Dick laugh like Wally. Dick doesn’t know if he’ll ever really laugh again.

Not without him.

Barbara just holds him, and he’s shaking in her arms, sitting in silence for ages. The tears stop flowing after a while. He’s not sure if he has any left.

Now he’s numb. And it’s strange. But Dick’s thankful for it, because he’s been in so much pain for so long that any reprieve is a blessing.

“I l-loved him so much, Babs…”

“I know, Dick…”

“And he’s gone…”

“He’s still he-”

“Don’t.” He snaps, and he doesn’t mean to, but he doesn’t want to hear it. “Don’t give me that.”

“Dick…”

“He’s not fucking here, is he?”

She shakes her head, expression apologetic. “I didn’t-”

“I… Fuck… I know…” Dick sighs and takes her hand, squeezing it gently. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay…”

They sit in silence again, Dick’s breathing slowly to a normal pace. She’s running her fingers through his hair, other hand clasped tightly with his own.

“It’s just… it’s Wally… I don’t… I’ve never had to think about a life without him in it…”

“I know…”

“I just… I don’t know what to do…”

Barbara presses her cheek to the top of his head. “You just… have to keep going…”

“How…?”

“Like you always have.” She tilts her head to look down at him, and Dick glances up to meet her eyes. “You’ve got so much light in you, Dick, you know that Wally would never want you to… to give up, because of him.”

“I just don’t know how…”

“You don’t have to, not right now.” Her hand comes up to cup his cheek, a soft smile ghosting across her lips. “But we’re all here to help you figure it out along the way. Don’t pull away from us. Not from your friends. Please.”

He takes another shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I don’t think I can go back to the team, not yet…”

“That’s okay…”

“We… We did that together. Made it, together, with Kaldur. I just…”

“I know, Dick.” She nods. “It’s okay. You don’t have to come back to the team. But, we’re not just a team. We’re also your family. We… we lost him too…”

Barbara squeezes his hand tightly, interlacing their fingers. Dick squeezes back, closing his eyes.

The pain is still there, but it’s duller now. Softened. It’s easier, with Babs here. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have the strength to hold himself up, because he’s got someone here to keep him steady. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but it’s enough.

“Thank you…”

“Nothing to thank me for, Dickie.” Barbara presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Just… don’t shut us out again, okay?”

“Okay…”

“We’ll do this together…”

Dick feels a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth, for the first time in days. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Hey, what are friends for?”

**Author's Note:**

> "So I would choose to be with you  
> That's if the choice were mine to make  
> But you can make decisions too  
> And you can have this heart to break"
> 
> Find me at notstars-doors.tumblr.com
> 
> <3


End file.
